Im a lost soul

Looking deeper

2006-09-20T05:40:46Z

i was reminded today that sometimes we have to deal woth people we dont like.... AND that im not good at that....

in MUN we talked about destiny and luck. I chose to say something bland rather then really show my opinion, what can i say, i got nervous it kinda made my heart race. When it comes to certain things I do believe I have a destiny, like I belive that I have a destiny to die at a certain time and to fall in love and be with a certain person.... i definetly dont think that destiny chooses how much money im gonna make or what im gonna be when i grow up.... I fear that my destiny isnt gonna be something that I like or that I might not even make it to be with whomever im really destin to be with, how will i kno, or maybe I already do know and I dont want to see it..... ahhhhhh if only i were so LUCKY as to figure this out now and not wait for it to happen....hmmmm how much time i would save.

bettybooper @ 2006-09-01T19:55:00

2006-09-02T02:55:54Z

its time for all or nothing......

my heart says all but my mind says nothing

bettybooper @ 2006-09-01T19:41:00

2006-09-02T02:42:38Z

Somedays i think back and wonder what it would be like if i were able to stop time... not even necasarily stop time but stop myself in a moment that made me so happy and just keep that moment going until I was done with it.... if that was possible would i still be in diapers, would i be sitting next to nicole in the kinder yard eating our bday cakes on our pretend birthday .... would i be peeling an orange with cristina or at a Y & G conference with Samantha....so many what ifs and not enough time in the world to put them into words.

blah on life

bettybooper @ 2006-08-29T22:45:00

2006-08-30T05:47:00Z

i love pickles which makes me think of pickle...i love pickle

which makes me think of the easy days

pickle banana pineapple potato

interesting

bettybooper @ 2006-08-29T13:46:00

2006-08-29T20:50:00Z

Sometime i believe that life is definetly not suppose to keep on going... or maybe just that im not suppose to be here, the problem is that there is one thing that alwyas is keeping me back from going to that destiny.... and im sick of never really completely having it, really completely having you. I wonder why im here and how i ended up in this spot with these instances coming about.... you mean the world to me and im only a spec of dust in yours..... i NEED that to change if it doesnt soon then im out.... im out of this place for real.

bettybooper @ 2006-08-24T22:59:00

2006-08-25T06:12:40Z

Sometimes I wonder why I accept things so easily.... I think I do it becuase i know that most people already percieve me as a bitch and I want to show them that im better then that.... ive come to realize that doing that only leads to me being crazy.... me crying myself to sleep. I need to start expressing myself talking about my feelings more and not holding them in so much. Sometimes I just like to sleep... when those times come that you see me sleeping a lot its really just me hoping I wont wake up but I always do... We have all made it a joke, oh Stephanie, she loves to sleep... no it should be oh Stephanie shes so fuckin depressed because she doesnt know how to express herself properly... You say u respect me because I am a strong willed person, because u believe in me and cant believe my attitude after all that has been put on me. Just once look deeper then what you see on the outside.... look way deeper, im weak im tired im sad im done. I dont know how to express anger properly and you need to understand that... it either comes out nasty or it doesnt come out at all,but really I cant hold it in any longer. Im taking it out on others...

Hanging the phone up is the best I can do.

bettybooper @ 2006-07-08T03:34:00

2006-07-08T10:51:14Z

words are so simple yet mean so much... so often do yours make my heart skip a beat, make my fingers feel numb, make the hairs on my head tingle, and give my whole body the lightest feeling........

bettybooper @ 2006-07-05T15:16:00

2006-07-05T22:23:20Z

SO life always seems to lead me down interesting paths... most definetly always the ones that end in me having to make a hard decision and no one else being around to help me..... its coming close to the end of one of those paths now and i can feel it...oh how life is so interesting....

Something to think about

2006-04-17T00:29:23Z

So i figured it out kinda... life is like walking up a flight of stairs in a building that has an inumourous (sp) amount of stairs... you get more and more tired as u keep walking up higher and higher and you cant stop because you still have yet to make it to yur final destination..... the biggest problem with my theory. What happens to me when i fall down a few flights.... whos there to pick me back up and remind me that i still have not reached the top floor yet??? Yeah thats something in think about. Yeah so i can go on with this in so many ways... like the fact that it is always easier to walk down a flight of stairs then it is to walk up them.... so of course it makes sense that "heaven" would be up high... it sharder to get to heaven then it is to get to hell.... blah blah blah

bettybooper @ 2006-03-06T13:42:00

2006-03-06T21:46:12Z

This weekend was so much fun im glad i got to go to vegas and be with the coolest people ever...happy b day joshua! I got to see my mom sister and chase too so that was cool. It was just over all a good freakin weekend!

bettybooper @ 2006-03-01T20:10:00

2006-03-02T04:12:13Z

livejournal is so cool everyone should start using this shit again

bettybooper @ 2006-01-22T21:04:00

2006-01-23T05:06:28Z

u cant nudge me hahahahhaha n e ways t&e was tight cant wait till sac, i have to do annual support campaign and i dont know where to start...tighhhht!!!!!!

bettybooper @ 2006-01-02T07:56:00

2006-01-02T15:56:11Z

new beginnings a new year...its time to cut the bad out and bring in some more good........ if i can have a whole year of no drama life will be good, it will be simple, so here it goes, only 364 days left....

bettybooper @ 2005-12-23T07:29:00

2005-12-23T15:30:38Z

MErry Xmas and happy hanuka!!!!!

Im in vegas...MY FAVORITE place in the whole world..hahhahahaha

o well.... xmas gifts come out of it so its ok

bettybooper @ 2005-12-15T14:22:00

2005-12-15T22:24:12Z

im very disgusted with some people in life.......

whatever happy holidays to those who appreciate them... im pooooorrrr, im glad that i dont have that many more to buy for but still.......

bettybooper @ 2005-11-23T11:41:00

2005-11-23T19:41:39Z

So sometimes i believe that u are out to get me, to see how upset u can make me, i believe in all yur power, i believe that u work in mysterious ways, but i often dont believe that it is for good... this time i hope it is and i really do.

So tomorrow is thankagiving, HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!!

bettybooper @ 2005-11-17T19:05:00

2005-11-18T03:05:47Z

so in just 3 more days i will beon my own...how freakin scary

bettybooper @ 2005-11-16T12:00:00

2005-11-16T20:00:53Z

so who else uses myspace mearily for stalking purposes and post bulletins and blogs just to confuse others...

boo myspace

2005-11-06T06:49:32Z

well livejournal is slowly dissapearing and im kinda depressed about it, myspace isnt even that great, its so un personal and full of chain letters... people come on bring back yur love to livejournal..... okay, i love u all and miss u 2

cool

2005-11-02T03:19:05Z

I like it i like it alot...good job el to the jay..... anyways so im bored im in lv and i wish i ment the bag cuz i think i would have more fun in one of those..... oh im a dork...im desperate for attention at this point...calling all assholes i know in vegas to relieve me form boredom...yup not working.... ok well call me if yur bored like me

bettybooper @ 2005-10-30T17:50:00

2005-10-31T00:49:27Z

This weekend was so much fun and way worth driving my ass HOME!!!!! yea i said home and odnt worry there will be more of me there sooner then u know it!!!!! YAY....i love peaches so so so much she is the best...THE END

bettybooper @ 2005-10-21T09:35:00

2005-10-21T16:34:13Z

i just wanna buy me a spaceship and flyyyyyyyy.....

bettybooper @ 2005-10-20T23:12:00

2005-10-21T06:14:49Z

Sometimes i feel lost...
lost as a person
i have the loss of being happy
i have the loss of being real
i have the loss of having the world exist properly around me
i have the loss of making friends
i have the loss of finding love
i have the loss of you
i cant wait for this nightmare to b over, but it seems like it never ends and i just want to wake up

bettybooper @ 2005-10-14T23:13:00

2005-10-15T06:14:27Z

sometimes people can make me feel like shit, i mean SHIT... but atleast i know i have natalie to cheer me up and find a suppo cool apartment for us so that i can be around suppo cool people and not around uggo people that make me feeel like shit!!!! ...ummm YAY

bettybooper @ 2005-10-14T11:53:00

2005-10-14T18:51:51Z

I FUCKIN HATE JONCE!!!!!!!